If I had it all to do over again (my wedding, that is)

Don't get me wrong, I am in no way wishing that I had to plan my wedding all over again! Far from it! I enjoyed planning my wedding, but it was a ton of work and I'm happy that I got to enjoy it once and don't have to do it again!

I am actually looking forward to attending a friend's wedding this weekend and it brought back memories of the last few days before my own wedding. The preparations, the excitement, the laughter and the tears. It's hard to believe that was only five months ago! So anyway, as I was thinking about my friend, wondering how things were going for her, hoping everything is falling into place, excited to be there and see all her hard work pay off, I started asking myself, "If I had it all to do over again, what would I do different? What would I do the same?"

I loved my wedding! It was truly the day of my dreams! I really have no major regrets about my wedding, but there are a few things that I might do differently if I had it to do over again. Hindsight's 20/20 you know. Following is a breakdown of some of the things I wish I had done differently and some things that I'm really glad I did the way I did. This list is probably more practical than profound, but hey, I hope it helps any future brides who might read it!

Things I wish I had done differently

Started the guest list sooner
The guest list was a beast! It took forever to figure out who should be invited and who shouldn't be invited and gather all those addresses! If I had known how much a pain that would be and how long it would take, I would have started on it the moment we got engaged (and got both moms started too)!

Had people RSVP
I didn't ask people to RSVP because we were only having a cake and punch reception and space was not an issue. I thought that RSVPs wouldn't be worth the expense of printing and postage. In retrospect, I really wish that I had asked for an RSVP. It would have cut out a lot of stress and guesswork and it actually might have cost us less since we would have had a more accurate idea of how much cake, punch, napkins, etc. to buy instead of buying so much extra "just in case".

Taken a sleeping aid the night before the rehearsal 
A combination of nerves and eating too much chocolate at my bachelorette party made for a pretty sleepless night before rehearsal day! Trust me, when you have lots of decorating and setting up to do, lots of people to see, and a rehearsal and dinner, you don't want to be running on too little sleep! I took some melatonin the night before the actual wedding and I slept like a baby that night!

Bought cheaper flowers
Well, ok, this one should have a disclaimer. If I had to do it over again, I might buy cheaper flowers, but I might not. I was thrilled with my wedding bouquet! It was absolutely gorgeous. But the flowers were pretty expensive and if I was redoing my wedding, I'm not sure if I would still opt to shell out so much money or not.

Had a receiving line
This is another one that I'm not 100% sure that I would change, but I probably would. Instead of having a receiving line, we just went around and greeted people at their tables. My thought was that it would feel a little more natural this way and I could talk longer with people I am closer to and shorter with people I'm not as close to. Whereas in a receiving line you have to spend an equal amount of time awkwardly trying to find something to say to your mom's fourth cousin that you met once when you were eight and trying to catch up with your best friend who lives far away and you rarely get to see! I really liked greeting people at their tables because it did feel more natural, but at the same time there were a lot of people who left before we got a chance to say hi to them at all. If I had known how it would end up, I probably would have had a receiving line anyway so that I at least would have a chance to greet everyone who was there.


Things I'm glad I did

Printed my own invitations
I have a confession to make. I bought my invitations at Wal-Mart. I was in the wedding aisle looking for something else when the perfect invitations caught my eye! They were just exactly what I had been looking for. I started looking around at other stores to try and find something similar. After all, it doesn't sound very classy to say that you got your wedding invitations at Wal-Mart. But I couldn't find anything else that I liked nearly so well so I eventually ended up buying my invitations from Wal-Mart. So you see, It wasn't that I wanted to get my invitations from Wal-Mart, it's just that Wal-Mart happened to be the only ones who had the invitations I wanted! So of course they were very inexpensive to buy and then I had them printed up at a local print shop which was also inexpensive. I saved a ton of money doing it that way and they turned out just perfect (in my opinion). If you want fancier invitations, this might not be the best option for you, but I wanted simple, so it worked great for me!

Had five bridesmaids
Even though larger wedding parties are becoming more common these days, a large wedding party can be difficult when you're trying to plan your wedding on a limited budget. I had a hard time choosing bridesmaids just because I have so many friends! By the time I narrowed it down to sisters and my two other very best friends, that was still five girls! I tried to figure out how to narrow it down to one or two less and I'm sure that all the girls would have understood my dilemma, but in the end I am so very glad that I went ahead and kept all five! Maybe I would have had more money to spend on other things if I hadn't had so many bridesmaids, but having the people I love with me on my wedding day meant way more to me than more decorations or fancier food.

Had an early afternoon wedding
Our wedding started at 2:00 in the afternoon. There were a number of reasons I'm glad I chose that time. 1) I had plenty of time to get ready and take pictures before the ceremony, 2) the wedding was conveniently between meals, so I could just do cake and punch and not have to serve an entire meal, 3) Rohn and I were able to leave the reception and head to our hotel late afternoon/early evening. We didn't want to have to stay out so late that we would be totally exhausted and not really be able to enjoy our wedding night.

Took pictures before the ceremony
We took the bulk of our wedding pictures before the ceremony. That way we had plenty of time to get all the shots we wanted and we didn't have to worry about keeping people waiting while we were taking pictures. We did take a few pictures of us as a couple after the ceremony, but that didn't take very long.

Did a cake and punch reception
The vast majority of wedding receptions include a meal these days. There's nothing wrong with that, but it can get pretty expensive and I've noticed that a lot of people do it just because they think they have to. If you want to serve a meal at your reception, more power to you! But there's nothing wrong with doing something else either, so do whatever fits your style and your budget.


That obviously wasn't an exhaustive list, just a few things that especially stand out in my mind.

How about you? If you're married, what are the things you wish you had done differently? What are you really glad you did?

Confession: I've started pinning

When Pinterest first became popular, I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard of. I was convinced I would never join. Even after I came to acknowledge some of it's merits, I still didn't want to join because I heard how addictive it could be. And yet, here I am, one of the newest members of Pinterest.

I think maybe it was a sense of needing to justify myself that inspired this post, so here are my reasons for joining Pinterest. As a new wife and homemaker, I have been trying to collect lots of ideas. I have a strong desire to make our apartment comfortable and attractive, but I am a complete novice when it comes to home decorating, so I'm always on the lookout for good ideas. I love to cook and enjoy new ideas for yummy, healthy things to make for my family. I'm not some kind of go-green, tree-hugging person, but I'm not a big fan of artificial chemicals and like to avoid them when I can, so I like trying recipes for homemade cleaners, soaps and beauty products. And I'm trying to do all this stuff on a tight budget, so the opportunity to save a couple dollars is a great motivation to DIY! 

All this to say, the internet is a veritable treasure trove packed with all kinds of tips, tricks, recipes, ideas, inspiration and how-tos. I'm constantly running across things I want to try, but here's my problem, I forget about stuff. I find a good recipe and I intend to come back and try it, but as soon as I close the tab on my browser, I forget all about it. Or if I do happen to remember it, most of the time I can't find the recipe again. But then I joined Pinterest and voila! There you have it, all my great ideas organized in one place! Not to mention a whole new world of more great ideas that other people have already found. 

I still don't want to get addicted, but I have decided that Pinterest is a legitimately valuable tool for me at this time in my life. Now, if I could just manage to get off the website and actually go try all these great ideas I've found............

Snippets of Life: Count Your Many.......Apples?

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes they say. This week my blessings where less like a shower and more like an avalanche! My mother in-law texted and asked if I had room in my refrigerator for apples. How nice to have a few apples, I thought, and responded, "sure!" Within minutes my refrigerator was filled with not a few apples, but a few bags of apples! Apparently Mom and the kids had been apple picking and filled the van so full that they didn't have enough seats for everyone! They of course solved this problem by stopping by and giving me a bunch so that they would have more room in the van.

I suddenly became very busy sorting apples.......

......washing apples.........

........peeling apples.......

........slicing apples..........

.......sugaring apples......

But hey, it was all worth it because the end result was 22 quarts of free apples in my freezer, plus a few leftover to eat!

Now I have visions of apple pie, apple butter and apple crisp all dancing through my head! Maybe next week.........

A Great Song Afterall?

I can't tell you how many times I have found myself thinking, as the ending strains of a song on the radio are dying away, "Ah, that was a great song! What a great message- wait a minute!" I listened to the song and though it was great, but when I actually stopped to think about what it was saying (or wasn't saying), I started to wonder if it was really such a great song afterall.

A lot of songs sound really great when you first hear them, but if you hold them up against the truth of God's Word, they just don't match up. It's so easy to just take every song on Christian radio and assume that because it's being played on K-LOVE it's message must true and in line with Scripture. Unfortunately I've found this is not the case. I'm not saying that you shouldn't listen to Christian radio stations just in case they play a song with a false message, I'm saying that you shouldn't just accept the message of every song you hear as truth just because it's sung by a Christian band, played on Christian radio or is about Jesus. The Word of God is the standard by which we determine what is true and so if a song doesn't match with what the Word of God says, then it is false even if it has the label "Christian" on it.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. There is a song on Christian radio called "What Faith Can Do" by the popular Christian band Kutless. I have heard the song several times and studied the lyrics. These were a few of my observations when I compared it with what God's Word says.

"What Faith Can Do" by Kutless

The song begins by talking about how everyone falls from time to time and has pain and problems, which is all true. The second line says "Gotta find the strength to rise" The only place to find the strength to rise about pain and difficulty is found in Jesus, but the song does not specify whether this line is referring to finding strength in Christ or if it is referring to finding the strength in yourself or other sources. Later in the verse the song's intended meaning is more clear. After talking about how you think you're problems are more than you can take, the song says, "But you're stronger, stronger than you think." That is an outright lie. Jesus says, "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." (John 15:5 NASB emphasis mine) Jesus is the only source of true strength.

Another example from the Bible is Paul. If anyone had trouble, Paul did. In 2 Corinthians 11, Paul tells us that he had been imprisoned, beaten numerous times, in danger of death beaten, with rods three times, stoned once (no, that doesn't mean drugged, it means having huge rocks thrown at your head until you die), shipwrecked three times, and spent a day and a night in the sea. He also faced dangers from rivers, robbers, his countrymen, people from other countries, and traitors, he faced dangers in the city, the wilderness,and the sea. Paul had experienced labor and hardship, sleepless nights, hunger, thirst, cold, and exposure. If anyone faced pain and hardship, Paul faced pain and hardship! And yet what does he say immediately after giving this list of all his problems? He doesn't talk about how he was stronger than he thought he was or that he found strength in himself. Instead he says, "If I have to boast, I will boast of what pertains to my weakness." In the very next chapter, chapter 12 verse 9, he says, "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."  Paul is looking to Christ as his source of strength, not to himself.

The first line of the chorus is "I've seen dreams that move the mountains" That sounds awfully inspiring and very similar to what the Bible says, but it's not accurate. Jesus said, "truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." (Matthew 17:20 NASB) It is faith, not dreams, that moves mountains. Why? Because a dream is wishful thinking. It's your desire that you have invented and want to see come to pass. Faith is confidence in the power of God to accomplish His purposes. See the difference?

The chorus goes on to say, "I've seen miracles just happen". Do miracles just happen? A miracle is the demonstration of the supernatural power of God in this earth. A miracle is an act of God, not something that just randomly happens. When God does a miracle, it is always for a specific purpose. God doesn't just go around randomly doing random things just to make people happy. When He performs a miracle it is for His glory, for the magnification of His Name, for the furthering of His Kingdom. We can see this clearly evidenced in Scripture.

In verse two the song refers to taking a step out on the water. Since it is a "Christian" song, I presume that this is a reference to Peter walking on water. Next the song says, "it will be alright". As long as Peter kept his eyes firmly focused on Christ, everything was alright, but the moment he took his eyes off of Christ things were anything but alright! Without specifying that it will be alright if you keep your eyes focused on Christ, just saying that it will be alright is nothing but false security.

"You will find your way if you keep believing" is another rather ambiguous line. Believing in what? God?  The Bible? Yourself? Buddha? The statement is left completely wide open.

There are far more errors in this song than I can discuss individually in one blog post, but it is filled from beginning to end with statements about how you are strong, you have to face your problems, you need to try,  you will find the way, you must believe, you can do it, you have the strength to rise. This is not faith, folks, this is human effort. Faith is founded on dependence on God, the message of this song is dependence on self.

I noted as I studied the lyrics that there is not a single mention of God, or even a clear reference to Him, in the entire song. I tried to find where the lyrics indicated that the faith mentioned was faith in God, but the closest I could come was one ambiguous mention of prayer in the chorus.

I chose this song for the purpose of example, because the errors are obvious and there are lots of them. If you have doubts about my observations, feel free to look up the lyrics and take a look at them for yourself! My goal was to show you how far off center the message of even a "Christian" song can be and hopefully emphasize the importance of testing your music against the Word of God before you accept it's message as truth. The people of Berea even tested the message of Paul himself to make sure that it matched with Scripture We would do well to be a little more like them.


"Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so." (Acts 17:11 NASB)

As a Newborn Baby

If you've ever been around toddlers, you know what I'm talking about when I say that they don't like to be helped. Mommy (or Daddy or Big Sister or Babysitter) wants to lend a helping hand when it comes to getting dressed and Toddler furrows his brows, yanks the clothes away and states, "I do it myself, Mommy!" Of course Mommy knows exactly what will follow. Toddler will quickly become frustrated when he gets tangled in his shirt and can't find the right hole for his head and when both legs end up in the same pant leg.

I hate to admit, but sometimes I'm a bit too much like a toddler spiritually. I'm not meaning toddler as in, I've matured from a baby, I mean toddler as in, I have a tendency to shout, "I can do it myself, God!" I have a natural discomfort when it comes to situations where crying out to God is the only thing I can do. Maybe it's my American pride, but I sometimes I start feeling like God has done so much for me, I want to do something for Him in return. I don't like always being the one that needs help. I don't want to always be "bothering" God with all of my problems. I don't like feeling needy, I don't like feeling incapable of doing things on my own, I don't like feeling dependent- Whoops! Did I just say that?

Ridiculous though it is, I think that I sometimes forget that total dependence on God means that I have to be.......dependent. I would never come out and say that I don't want to be dependent on God. Of course I need to be dependent on God! But I don't think I quite always realize what that actually means. So many times I find myself thinking things like, "I don't know how to tell if these health issues are serious or not, I hope they go away, otherwise all we could do it is cry out to God." or "I hope our financial situation improves soon so we don't always have to ask God for the next thing that we need." "I wish that we could just get our car looked at so that we don't always have to be asking God to keep us safe." Silly me! Don't I know what total dependence is? It means looking to God for everything, to meet every need!

I think that sometimes God has no other choice than to put me in situations where I am incapable of doing anything for myself in order to teach me to be dependent on Him. He doesn't want toddlers who try to "do it myself!", His desire is for us to be much more like infants whose natural response is to cry out to their Father to meet every need.

Much to my chagrin, I have come to realize that there is no such thing as a spiritual adult who is so mature that they don't need to depend on God anymore. If you try that, you will end up much more like a toddler yelling, "I can do it myself, God!"

Set Free from the Law

When President Lincoln issued the emancipation proclamation, it stated that as of January 1st 1863, all of the slaves were free. The people who had been formerly held as slaves were free and no longer legally bound to serve their former master. Unfortunately, not all of the slaves knew right away that they were emancipated. Their masters did everything they could to keep the slaves from finding out that they were actually free. For many, it was quite a while later that they actually found out that they didn't have to serve their masters anymore. When Jesus died on the cross, he emancipated us from the law. We are no longer legally bound to follow it. Unfortunately, not all of us know that. Satan is doing everything he can to keep people from finding out that they are free. He wants to keep us thinking that we are enslaved to the law, trying desperately to fulfill something that God already fulfilled through Christ. Even though our freedom was purchased on the cross 2,000 years ago, many of us don't realize until later the freedom that we have in Christ..

For many years I was very confused about the Old Testament Law. I wrestled with it and wrestled with it, but still I couldn't come to a clear understanding. It made complete sense in the context of the Old Testament, but what was its place now that Jesus had come?

The main reason I struggled so much was because of what I was taught at home all of my growing up years. I was taught that anything that wasn't contradicted in the Old Testament still stood. I was taught that there were still parts of the law that we as Christians were required to follow. But which parts? How did we know what we should follow and what we didn't have to? My parents told me that only the sacrificial system and the laws about what you could and couldn't eat had been done away with. All the rest of the law still stood. This didn't make sense to me. There were so many of laws that we didn't follow, like not wearing clothes with more than one kind of thread, or not trimming the corners of your beard. Why didn't we follow those laws? My parents didn't like it when I asked these kind of questions.

I was confused. I didn't really understand my parent's beliefs. They didn't make sense. They weren't consistent. They didn't really seem to line up with the rest of Scripture. But they were my parents! Somehow it seemed wrong not to believe what they taught me. I was only in my early teens when I began struggling with these issues. I thought that maybe when I was older and more spiritually mature, I would understand what they were talking about. But in the meantime I was torn. What did I believe? I didn't feel like I could really support something I wasn't totally convinced was true. But to believe something else in contradiction to my parents instruction? I didn't feel I could do that either.

Over the years, the issue was pushed to the back of my mind. Once in a while it would come up again and I would wrestle with it some more, but nothing really seemed to change. I tried to forget about it as much as possible. It wasn't until I was twenty-two years old that it really surfaced again full force. This time, I knew that it was God bringing it to my attention and I knew I had to deal with it.

It all started when my fiance and I began studying the book of Galatians together. I have the read the book of Galatians many times, but somehow I never understood it before like I understood it this time. The whole book is Paul addressing the church at Galatia who had been told that they still needed to be circumcised. Paul is writing to tell them that they are no longer under the law and if they try to keep it in any point, they have fallen from grace and the death of Jesus means nothing to them. "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Behold I, Paul, say to you that if you receive circumcision, Christ will be of no benefit to you. And I testify again to every man who receives circumcision, that he is under obligation to keep the whole Law. You have been severed from Christ, you who are seeking to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace. For we through the Spirit, by faith, are waiting for the hope of righteousness. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything, but faith working through love." (Galatians 5:1-6)

The book of Galatians explains that the reason for the law was to show us that we are sinners, to show us that we need a Savior.  But now that they Savior has come and we have received Him, we no longer need the law. "Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith. But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor. For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3:24-26)

As for the belief that everything in the Old Testament that is not contradicted in the New Testament still stands, it is not my goal to discuss whether or not that is true at this time. But for right now, let's just suppose that it is true. I don't understand the purpose of going through the entire law, point by point, to see whether or not each one is contradicted in the New Testament when God spent an ENTIRE BOOK explaining how we aren't under the law! At all. Any of it. Some would say that I'm just making that up or trying to make the Bible say what I want it to. That is not the case. "But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law." (Galatians 5:18) I had to read that verse about 12 times for it to really sink in. I desperately searched for the "but", the "and" the "except" trying to find which part of the law I still WAS under. It wasn't there. There is no exception. It says that if you are led by the Spirit, you ARE NOT UNDER THE LAW. Period. End of sentence.

Paul does not use soft words when he describes the seriousness of trying to follow the law. I already mentioned what he says in chapter 5 verses 1-6. When he talks about the consequences of still holding to the law, he says that "Christ will be of no benefit to you", he says that you will be "under obligation to keep the whole law" (which is impossible, by the way). He talks about being "severed from Christ" and having "fallen from grace" This is serious business, guys! In fact, Paul is not nice in his wish of what will happen to those who are teaching circumcision under the law. In Galatians 5:12 he says, "I wish that those who are troubling you would even mutilate themselves."  If you read that verse in other translations, you will see that what Paul is saying is, "I wish that those who are telling you that you need to be circumcised would just emasculate themselves while they're at it!" That's not a nice thing to say! I get the feeling that Paul felt rather strongly on this subject.

As I studied the book of Galatians, God has shown me with crystal clarity the answers to my questions. When I set aside the things I had always been taught and simply looked at what the Bible actually said, all my confusion melted away. It is not longer a mystery to me what part of the law I am under. None of it! The law served its purpose and now it is done! Hallelujah! Oh the joy of finally realizing that I am free in Christ!

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)


*All scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible

Not perfect

I'm not perfect, but most of the time I feel like I need to be. Sometimes I feel that in order to be a true follower of Christ, I. have. to. be. perfect.

But here's the thing. God never asked me to be perfect. He said, "You shall be holy, for I am holy." The problem is that I often get "holy" and "perfect" mixed up. Being holy like God is holy means turning away from sin. It means having thoughts, actions and attitudes that are pleasing to God. It's different than my convoluted version of "perfect". The Bible tells us what God considers sin. It tells us what is pleasing to Him and what isn't. But I add a lot of stuff to that. My version of perfect includes a lot of stuff that God never said anything about in the Bible.

Some days I get so busy trying to be "perfect" that I forget that I don't have to be. I need to be holy. I don't need to be "perfect". And it's hard to focus on being holy when you're all caught up in being "perfect".

Sometimes I cry.

Sometimes I forget things.

Sometimes I burn dinner.

Sometimes I don't get up when my alarm goes off.

I'm not good at math.

I can't play the piano to save my life.

I hate playing sports.

My courtship wasn't like the books.

Sometimes I laugh too loud.

Sometimes I accidentally say awkward things.

Sometimes I don't cook things from scratch.

I have a hard time sitting still for long periods of time.

Sometimes I disagree with people I respect.

Sometimes I'm late.

But you know what? It's ok not to be "perfect".

Do you like Jesus?

"I am not ashamed of being a Christian. Jesus said, "Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven." Sadly, 95% of Christians who read this will be too afraid to repost. Copy and paste this to your status if you aren't ashamed of Jesus."

Oh boy...........where to start? We've all seen stuff like this on facebook. That status that has some cliche little saying at the beginning and then tries to put a big guilt trip on you by saying that you must not love Jesus, must be ashamed of being a Christian, must be too afraid, etc. if you don't repost.

The ones that get me the worst are those that include Matthew 10:32&33 and imply that somehow if you don't repost, you are denying Jesus. Please just humor me for a minute and think about what those verses are really talking about.

When Jesus talked about not denying him before men, he was talking to his disciples. He was not talking to a group of people who really needed to go home and "like" Jesus on facebook, He was talking to a group of people who were going to stand before some of the highest authorities of their day and be called to give an account of their faith in Christ. He was talking to men who, within just a few years, would have to choose between denying Jesus and imprisonment, torture and death. These were words that He spoke to them as He was preparing to send them out into the world to preach the Gospel. I don't know how we can take these powerful words of Jesus and cheapen them to mean, "If you don't repost this cheesy facebook status, you're denying Jesus."

If you are a follower of Christ, there should be no doubt in anybody's mind that you are not ashamed of Jesus, whether you repost that status or not! Living for Jesus is so much more than "liking" Him on facebook! C.T. Studd never reposted that status, would you say that he was ashamed of Christ? Corrie Ten Boom never "liked" Jesus, was she afraid to let people know that she loved Him?

I'm not ashamed of Jesus, what I'm ashamed of is this namby-pamby, impotent version of Christianity who's greatest accomplishment is "liking" Jesus on facebook!

I'm not saying that you can't have a witness on facebook, because you definitely can! In fact, if you are a follower of Christ, and you have a facebook account, use it in every way you can to promote the glory of Christ! What I'm saying is that if the only way that people can tell that you aren't ashamed Christ is by the fact that you repost those statuses, there is a problem.

This is the point- It doesn't matter whether or not you "like" Jesus on facebook. It doesn't matter whether or not you repost a status about how much you love Jesus. What matters is how you live it out in your life.

My Courtship Story: A promise of forever

This is the final part of my courtship story. Be sure to read the rest of it (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5)

Courtship

Like I mentioned at the end of part 5, we did learn to related to each other without so much awkwardness. The months that followed the beginning of our courtship were more wonderful than anything I had ever dreamed.......and more challenging than I could have ever imagined.

There were so many things that were new and wonderful. Holding hands with someone for the first time. Hearing Rohn tell me I was beautiful. Learning about each other's interests, beliefs, habits and dreams. Building a trust so deep that I could be completely open and honest with Rohn in ways I had never done with anyone before. Sending him sweet notes, cookies, cards, thinking of ways to let him know how much I cared for him.

There were also many challenges during those months of courtship. Learning to be sensitive to each other's needs. Learning to forgive. Learning to resolve disagreement. Learning to relate to some family members and friends who had less-than-positive attitudes about this new phase of our lives. Learning to share things from our pasts that we'd much rather forget.

Though we spent a lot of time talking about many different things, one thing we never said to each other was, "I love you." The reason we didn't say that was not because we didn't love each other! Far from it! We were falling more in love by the day! But we didn't want "I love you" to be empty meaningless words. We didn't want them to be the same as when a couple of jr. highers say "I love you" and then break up 2 days later. As Rohn said, "Bekah, if I ever tell you that I love you, the next words out of my mouth are going to be, 'Will you marry me?'" That was a hard commitment to keep. I have never wanted to say three simple words so badly in my entire life!

Since Rohn and I live 177 miles apart, we weren't able to see each other as frequently as many couples. Usually only every other weekend. We cherished those times together. When we were together we talked (A LOT!), we spent time with our families, played games, visited each other's churches, participated in ministry and many other activities.

Now what?

Rohn and I spent quite a bit of time serving in ministry together over the summer. As we neared the end of July something began to change in our relationship. We didn't realize it at first, but there seemed to be an underlying tension between us.

You see, we had been courting for 7 months, we knew we wanted to get married, we were certain that God wanted us to get married, we had discussed all the important topics and then some, we had developed a deep and meaningful relationship, and we were head over heals in love with each other. The only logical thing left to do was start planning a wedding! We began to feel like we had mentally and emotionally reached the end of courtship.

As I've said before, relationships don't stay still, they either move forward or backward. At this point we felt that our relationship had gone forward as far as it could without the commitment of engagement.

It seemed as though it was time to get engaged, but as usual, there were problems. We had already been talking about getting married in May, but July to May is an awful long time and we were a bit afraid of making our engagement too long. But the biggest problem was (I'll give you three guesses) once again, his parents. Yup, that's right, when Rohn and I were first friends, they didn't want to meet me. After they met me, they didn't want Rohn to court me. Once we were courting, they didn't want Rohn to marry me (they like me, they really do! I promise!). I don't understand it either. Rohn wanted to get his parents blessing before moving toward engagement, but how was he going to do that since they were set against us getting engaged?

The talk

Finally Rohn decided to just go ahead and talk to his parents anyway. He told his dad that he wanted to talk about something important one Sunday afternoon. "On a scale of one to ten, Dad, this is an eleven." He then proceeded to explain where we were in our relationship and how he felt that it was time to move on to engagement. By now you can probably guess what happened. God worked and Rohn's parents gave their blessing. I don't really know what all was said in that conversation, I just know that at the end after the blessing had been given, Rohn's dad said something to the effect of, "Now hurry up and get going!"

That week Rohn called my dad and arranged a time to meet with both of my parents that Saturday. All correspondence was done via my dad's work e-mail and phone so that there was no way I could stumble upon any evidence. Rohn also contacted Mandy, my best friend and next door neighbor, and enlisted her help for what he was planning.

Friday night my mom asked me off hand, "Dad and I want to go out for a date tomorrow for breakfast, can you watch the kids?" I agreed, but I did think it was a bit unusual. It wasn't unusual for my parents to go on a date, but I couldn't ever remember them going out for breakfast before. The thought did cross my mind that perhaps it had something to do with Rohn, but I checked the caller ID to see if he had called and saw that he hadn't. I kept my ears open, but didn't pick up on any other hints, so I concluded that they must have gone out for some other reason. That Saturday was also the day that my cousin was getting married, so I was a bit distracted anyway.

So it was completely unbeknownst to me that Rohn drove three hours to meet my parents for breakfast and asked them for permission to marry me. They gave their blessing and then Rohn drove three hours back home. With my cousin's wedding and all, there really wasn't any way that he could propose yet that day. Besides the fact that he hadn't bought a ring yet! He bought the ring later that day.

Little did I know

Sunday evening Mandy and I went to hear our other best friend, Bethany, play the organ. We were all talking afterward and Bethany made some comment about me getting married. I rolled my eyes, "I might get married if that boy ever decides to ask me!" Mandy, knowing full well that he was about to propose, replied calmly, "Well, you have to consider his personality. He's not the type to make decisions quickly. Give him time. He might propose in about 20 years or so." I nearly exploded! "If he waits 20 years to propose, I sure hope he can find someone to propose to!"

Before we parted company that night, Mandy and I agreed that we really needed to spend some more time together as she was heading off to college before long. "I really want to go walking on the nature trail one more time before I leave." She told me, "Lets go out there tomorrow afternoon." I agreed.

A dream come true

Monday morning dawned rainy and drizzly. I called Mandy, "This doesn't look like a good day for a walk. Let's do something else." She nearly panicked, "I think the rain has stopped by now and I'm sure it will be nice by later this afternoon." I wasn't convinced, "But it will still be muddy. I don't feel like walking in the mud. Let's do something inside this afternoon and try again tomorrow."

Mandy was really panicking now! How in the world was she going to get me out there? She tried calling Rohn, but he was on his way and didn't have any reception at that point. She called me again after a little while and said, "Hey, I have another idea. Let's go sit on the haybales and talk. I've checked and the grass is all dried off already." I was still a bit worried about the mud, but I agreed to this plan. Now this might seem a little strange to some of you, but you must understand that Mandy and I both live out in the country and walking around in fields and climbing around on haybales are favorite activities for us.

I walked out to meet Mandy and we headed down the road toward the field where the haybales where. As we headed out across the field I noticed someone sitting by on of the bales. I was too far away to see who it was and I thought it must be Mandy's and my younger sisters. The were the only ones I could think of who would be in this field. I didn't think much of it and we kept walking.

After we had walked a little farther, the person stood up and began coming toward us. At that point I could tell that it was a man, but he was still to far away to recognize. At first I thought that we must be intruding on somebody's special moment with their girl and that he was coming to tell us to leave, but then I realized that there was nobody else with him. I kind of started freaking out at that point. I was deliberately walking away from this guy, and he was deliberately coming toward us. I kept asking Mandy, "Who is that guy? What does he want? Mandy! There's a random guy walking toward us!" but she didn't say anything.

Then suddenly I recognized him. I think my heart stopped beating for a second. There was only one reason on earth that Rohn would randomly show up on a Monday afternoon without me knowing about it. I stopped dead in my tracks and couldn't move. Mandy just grinned and said, "Well, looks like it's time for me to be going now." and headed back toward home.

As soon as Rohn saw me stop and knew that I recognized him, he began running toward me. I still couldn't move, so I just stood there until he reached me and swept me into his arms. I was still in complete shock and kept asking him, "How did you get here? What are you doing here?". There was only one reason I could think of for him to just show up like this, but I just couldn't get my mind around it.

He took me by the hand and led me back to the place where he had been sitting by the haybale. He had a lawn chair set up and asked me to sit down. He then picked up his guitar, which he had nearby, and began to play a song he had written just for me. They were the sweetest words I had ever heard, all about how much I meant to him. Then he got to the chorus and sang, "And I love you, Bekah, I love you" My heart soared and I started to cry. It was the first time I had heard him say those words!

He finished the song and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. By this time, I was just bawling! He said it didn't take me that long, but to me it felt like forever before I could choke out a "yes!" I gave him a huge hug and he slipped the most beautiful ring I had ever seen onto my finger! We were both giddy with excitement! We jumped and shouted and spun circles around in that field!

It was the perfect proposal. I loved every aspect of it. It nearly brings me to tears just remembering it.

I may be done writing about my love story for now, but the story is definitely not done. We are counting down to our wedding in 57 days and looking forward to continuing our love story for many years after that. Thanks for reading!

Asking the Hard Questions: Don't Skirt the Issue

I know that some people will roll their eyes when they read this and say, "It's about time!" and others will raise cries of "rebel!" and "heretic!".

Here is the question: Is it wrong for a woman to wear pants instead of a skirt?

Trust me, I've dealt with this issue for a long time and I've been on both sides of the fence! When I was about 15, I decided that I should wear skirts. And I held to this decision quite religiously. You see, I thought that since some godly people wore skirts. It must be the only option if I wanted to be godly. But the more I think about the rational behind the skirts-only doctrine, the less it makes sense to me.

I want to address a few of the arguments that I have used to support skirts-only as well as some others that I have heard.

1. The Bible instructs us to be modest

I couldn't agree more! 1 Timothy 2:9 says "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly..." But where in the Bible does it say that a skirt is the definition of modesty? It is true that many skirts are more modest than many pairs of pants. But I've also seen many pairs of pants that are more modest than many skirts. I have asked guys about this and they say that they don't have a problem with girls in pants as long as they aren't super tight (but the same holds true of skirts). Some even said they preferred for girls to wear pants as there was less chance of showing something if you sit or move wrong.

2. Historically it was considered immodest for a woman to wear pants

Historically it was also considered immodest to show your feet or ankles. I don't see anybody arguing for women's feet and ankles to be covered at all times.

3. The Bible says that a woman should not wear men's clothing

It is absolutely true that Deuteronomy 22 says "A woman shall not wear man's clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman's clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God." Please note that this is part of the law of Moses. Are we as believers required to follow the law of Moses? No. We are no longer under the law.

Now let me clarify, I believe it is most glorifying to God when women dress and act like women and when men dress and act like men. But let me point something out. At the time that the Bible was written, men and women BOTH wore robes. So wouldn't it be acceptable for men to wear men's pants and women to wear women's pants?

4. Pants for women is just Satan's way of trying to make sin look acceptable

I've been told that the devil tries to deceive us into thinking that is is ok for a woman to wear men's clothes by making a women's version of them.

Let me reiterate; when the Bible was written, men and women BOTH wore robes. So I asked a skirt-only believer, "If men and women both wore robes in the Bible, how did women make sure they weren't wearing men's clothes?" Here is the answer I got, "Well, I'm sure there was a certain style of robe that was for men and a different one for women." Right...........kind of like one style of pants for men and one for women, eh? How is different styles of the same thing ok as long as it's robes, but it's a ploy of the devil if it's pants?

I also have another question. I've never heard anybody raise cain over men and women both wearing t-shirts. Maybe there are those that do, but I personally have never heard any. Why is it acceptable for men and women to both wear t-shirts (as long as the women wear them with a skirt, of course), but it's not ok for men and women to both wear pants? Why are pants "men's clothing" but t-shirts aren't?

5. Historically, pants were men's clothing

Historically voting was a man's role, but we don't say that it is wrong for women to vote. Since when did historic customs dictate moral law? Sure, it was historically unacceptable to kill people, but we don't refrain from killing people because of history, we hold to it because the Bible says that we shouldn't kill people. So if the Bible doesn't say that it's wrong for women to wear pants, why should history make it wrong?

6. Even Mormons and Muslims wear skirts (or robes, or whatever they call them)

Remind me again why I should base my lifestyle choices on the practices of cults and false religions? I've been told that Muslims would be offended if I wore pants, so I shouldn't do it. If I was ministering to Muslims, I might choose to dress like them in order to be able to build relationships more easily, but seeing as how I don't even know any Muslims, I don't know why I need to dress like them. I mean, a Hindu would be offended by the fact that I eat meat (might be great uncle Bob reincarnated, you know.), but I've never had anyone tell me that I should become a vegetarian based on that fact.

7. Skirts are distinctly feminine

I agree! And I absolutely love wearing skirts for just that reason! If someone chooses to wear skirts because they are very feminine, I have no problem with that! More power to them! But this sounds like a personal preference not a Biblical mandate. The color pink is distinctly feminine too, but that doesn't mean that we should all only wear pink.

8. You never see a man in a skirt

Have you ever seen a kilt? Seriously. Look it up.

Perhaps there is something that I'm missing. Maybe there are valid reasons that I have never heard and I am terribly mislead. But based on what I have heard and read, it seems to me that whether a woman wears pants or skirts is a personal decision. I don't see how one way is more right than the other.

If you have a different point of view, or opinion that you would like me to consider, please share! Really, I mean it. I don't promise to alter my opinion, but I do promise to be interested in hearing what you have to say.

Fed Up

Dear People who are obsessed with the election,

This really isn't about politics. This is about my observation of those who are obsessed with politics.

I am tired of hearing you fight over who is the best candidate. I am tired of hearing you diss your friends based on who they plan to vote for. I'm tired of hearing that anyone who doesn't vote for your candidate is stupid, ignorant, an America hater, or "unchristian". Please remember a few simple facts.

1. Since God is not running for President of the Unites States, all of the candidates are fallible human beings with strengths and weaknesses, all of whom will make mistakes.

2. Each person will assess these strengths and weaknesses from different points of view. Since people tend to have different ideas of which issues are the most important, most likely their conclusions will vary.

3. It's ok that people will come to different conclusions about which candidate is best because each registered voter in the U.S. is allowed to vote for whoever they want to.

4. You will get farther by not attacking people. There are a lot of people who would actually be interested in hearing you give a rational explanation for why you think your candidate is the best, however there are very few people who are interested in hearing you diss everyone who doesn't agree with you.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

Sincerely,

Fed up in Kansas

*This letter is not directed toward any specific individuals. It is simply my reaction to the political bickering in general.

My Courtship Story: A new phase

Courtship story- part 5 (also read part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4)

The turning point

By Christmas 2010 Rohn knew that either we needed to move forward into courtship or cut off all communication for the time being. He began to pray earnestly that God would show him what to do. He didn't feel like he was in a situation to begin courting, yet the thought of not being able to communicate with each other was nearly unbearable.

As Rohn prayed about our friendship, God began to work. Things started to fall into place. One of the biggest things was that Rohn figured out what he was going to major in. That didn't mean that he could finish school any faster, but it did mean that he had a plan and a definite direction. He began to feel that God was leading him to move forward.

During that time, we had the rare privilege of getting to talk on the phone. We had only been allowed to call each other maybe two or three times since CMI, so this was very exciting! We talked about many things, but during the course of the conversation Rohn asked me, "Would you be opposed to getting married before I'm finished with school?" I knew that something was going on, but I didn't know what it was. I said that I wouldn't be opposed and wanted to know why he asked. He wouldn't tell me.

By now Rohn felt like he was at a place where he could ask to court me. It wasn't what he had originally planned, but he strongly felt that this was God's timing. The next hurdle- his parents. Even though his parents really liked me and agreed that I was the right girl for Rohn, they had still been adamant that he was too young to pursue me seriously. How was he going to convince them that this was God's timing for him to move forward?

It was with some fear and trembling that he sat down with both of his parents and explained how God had been working in his life recently and that he wanted to pursue a courtship. They informed him that they also felt that this was the right time for him to pursue me. Shock. How did that happen? What changed their minds? It's another one of those things that we don't know to this day.

With his parents' approval Rohn called my dad and arranged a time to meet with him. I knew that Rohn was coming to talk to my dad, but I still didn't know what the meeting was about. I was pretty sure it was either to ask to court me or to call off the relationship. I suspected it was the former, but I was afraid to let myself think about it lest I be disappointed.

Rohn came to my house in late January and he and my dad went out for coffee together. Rohn had prepared what he was going to say, but was still terribly (understandably) nervous. He explained to my dad his reasons for wanting to pursue me and asked permission to start a courtship. He was sure that the next thing my dad would do was to ask him about his financial situation and how he was prepared to provide for a family, etc. But he didn't. My dad already knew that Rohn was a poor college student. He told Rohn, "Following God is more important than having money. If you are doing what God is asking you to do, He will provide."

When they arrived back at my house, Rohn and I took a walk together. He told me that he had asked my dad for permission to court me and that my dad had told him that he would pray about it and let him know in a week. Rohn told me that he hoped to be able to court me while finishing his sophomore and junior years of college and then get married the following summer. I was thrilled!

So began the longest week of our lives so far. It seemed like my dad must have prayed about that decision for a million years. At least!

The answer

Saturday eventually arrived. The day my dad was supposed to give us an answer. I waited impatiently all day. Morning went by. Afternoon. The evening was slipping away and I was beginning to wonder if he had forgotten. Neither Rohn nor I could focus on anything all day and by the end of the day our nerves were shot! I was almost ready to ask Dad if he had made a decision yet, when he pulled me aside and said that he wanted to talk to me. He said that he had prayed about it all week and fasted some as well. He informed me that he felt it was God's will for us to begin courting. I don't know what I did at that point. Maybe I squealed. Maybe I cried. Maybe I did both. All I remember is that I was ecstatically happy! It wasn't terribly late, maybe 8:00 in the evening, but my dad wondered if he should call Rohn then or wait until morning. "Call him now!" I shouted. "Don't make him wait another minute!"

After he finished talking to Rohn, Dad handed the phone to me. I'm pretty sure that conversation was one big jumble. We laughed and cried, and talked about how happy we were and how we couldn't believe that we were actually officially courting! Neither of us had been in a romantic relationship before, so this was a totally new experience for both of us. We felt weird referring to each other as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend".

Courtship begins

Of course now that we were "officially" courting and were allowed to talk on the phone and visit each other as much as we liked, the first thing we wanted to do was plan a visit ASAP!

I was helping host a bridal shower at church when Rohn arrived the following weekend. I could hardly wait to get home and see him! I burst in the door only to be told that he and my brother, Abe, and driven into town on some errand. I seemed to take them forever to get back. I met Rohn at the front door as soon as he arrived and asked him where he had gone. He grinned somewhat sheepishly and presented me with a dozen red roses! Definitely a good way to start a courtship!

I have to laugh now as I remember that first visit. Everything was so deliciously awkward! We were so excited and so eager to figure this whole courtship thing out, but everything was so new to us. What are you supposed to do on your first visit? What are you supposed to talk about? How are you supposed to act around a "special friend"?

We were already clear on the fact that the purpose of our relationship was getting to know each other better in order to find out if it was God's will for us to get married. So each of us had made a list of things we wanted to ask the other. Things that would be important to us in a potential spouse. We took turns asking questions and discussing our views and beliefs on different topics. It was exciting and awkward and sweet and wonderful all at the same time. We talked about many things, but there was one topic on both of our lists that we each kept avoiding. "So.........." Rohn began, "Um.....so......like...how do you feel about....um....kids?" I'm pretty sure we both turned bright pink! "Well........." I replied, "Kids are really important to me......so.........um.............if we...uh.....get married....I think we should have..........some."

So began the beautiful courtship stage of our relationship. Don't worry, we quickly figured out how to relate to each other without so much awkwardness!

To be continued......

My Courtship Story: A change of heart

Courtship story- part 4. Also read part 1, part 2, and part 3.

Confused

I went home from CMI very very confused. By this point I had no idea how I felt about Rohn! I knew that he was very dear to me and I knew that I missed him terribly, but I didn't know if this could mean that I possibly had feelings for him or if I still just loved him as a friend. I was pretty sure I wasn't interested in him. I just couldn't picture myself in a relationship with him. I wasn't really attracted to him. I did pray about a relationship like he had asked me to, but I'm afraid my prayers tended to be more along the lines of "Please help him get over this really fast!" than actually seeking God's will.

The thing I dreaded most telling my dad what was going on. I had briefly explained to my mom what Rohn and I had talked about and she urged me to tell my dad. I dreaded this. My dad can be a little.....um......idealistic at times, and I was pretty sure that he would never let anybody court me unless the guy was the very model of sinless perfection. Of course, I was pretty sure I didn't want Rohn to court me, but I was just unsure enough that I didn't want the possibility ruled out. I was also afraid that if my dad knew that Rohn was interested, he might break off our entire friendship and I was certain that I didn't want that to happen!

So it was with some trepidation that I approached my dad and explained to him that Rohn was interested in pursuing a relationship with me at some point in the future. To my utter shock, not only was my dad not upset (he didn't even scowl at me!), he got excited! He had only met Rohn very briefly at graduation, but he started talking about how impressed he was with what he saw! He said that from what he saw of him, Rohn seemed like a very godly young man, he liked the fact that Rohn was also from a large family, he liked how Rohn interacted with his siblings. The thing that blew me away the most was when he said, "Bekah, I've always known that you would need to marry someone who you could really respect. Someone who would be strong enough to lead you Spiritually. I think Rohn seems like that kind of man." I nearly fainted.

About a week and a half after arriving home, Rohn called me to find out when would be a good time for him to talk to my dad. The night he said he would call, I was a ball of nerves. I would jump at every sound and couldn't sit still for the life of me! Finally the phone rang. My dad answered the phone, went into his bedroom and closed the door. I paced around the house, trying to imagine what they were saying to each other.

My dad was chuckling as he hung up the phone. He said that Rohn had been so nervous, he talked about a hundred miles a minute and couldn't even get his words out straight. Dad reported that he had said, "Mr. Loewen, during the time before courtship, I will treat your daughter like a brother. I mean, I will be the brother...and...um....I mean, I will treat her like a sister."

Rohn had explained to my dad that he was interested in a relationship at some point in the future, he said maybe a year. My dad said that we were to remain just friend, not talk about "emotional" subjects and not get emotionally attached to each other until such a time as Rohn was ready to start a courtship.

God is the one who changes hearts

Even though my parents were excited and a part of me wanted to be excited too, I still wasn't very sure of my own heart. Even though I didn't realize it yet, God was already at work. He began showing me that I needed to stop focusing on my own feelings and start focusing on what He wanted for my relationship with Rohn. God had already taught me long ago that I should not say "yes" to a relationship with a guy just because I had feelings for him, but now God showed me that I shouldn't say "no" to a relationship just because I didn't have feelings for him. My response needed to be based on God's will not on my feelings (or lack thereof).

This was a big step for me to even be open to considering a relationship with Rohn. As I began to seek God's will, I started to realize what a godly man Rohn is. I saw how perfectly our beliefs and personalities fit together. Looking back, I could see the fingerprints of God all over our friendship.

Over the course of that summer, God slowly changed my heart towards Rohn. A new love began to grow for him. I found myself thinking of him constantly, I looked forward to his e-mails with great anticipation. I don't know when exactly this change took place. It happened so gradually that I didn't realize right away what was going on. But somehow, by the end of that summer, I found myself falling in love with the man I thought I would never have feelings for. Suddenly, I couldn't figure out why I wasn't attracted to him before!

As my heart grew fonder of Rohn, I began to miss him more and more. I hadn't seen him in over three months. We kept in touch, but it just wasn't the same.

The first visit

I was in charge of the Gospel hand painting booth at our county fair that summer. The fair was fast approaching and I was having a difficult time finding enough volunteers to help out. The week before the fair, my dad came up to me and asked if I could use a couple more volunteers to help out on Saturday. Could I ever! I told him that I would take all the help I could get and wondered who he had in mind. He informed me that Rohn had called wondering if it would be ok for he and his sister, Ruth, to come for a short visit and help me with the hand painting booth. I was nearly delirious with excitement!

After what seemed like twelve eternities, Saturday arrived. I could hardly contain myself with I saw his car pull into the driveway. I just couldn't hold myself back. I burst out the front door and threw myself into his arms! We were both so happy to see each other, it didn't seem real.

The day went by way too fast. We enjoyed catching up and spending as much time together as possible. Somehow, being with Rohn again, my world seemed right. It was on that day I knew I didn't want to live the rest of my life without him.

In limbo

Then came the most difficult time in our relationship. Our feelings for each other were growing rapidly and we knew that God was leading us together, but Rohn still didn't feel that he was in a position to start pursuing a serious relationship. There were some things with his schooling and financial situation that he needed to figure out first.

There was also the issue of his parents. They felt that we were way too young to begin a courtship. Rohn had always said that he had no intention of even thinking about marriage until he was at least 25, and now here he was not even quite 20 yet, head over heals for a girl! By the end of September, Rohn had been out to visit twice. He had met all my family and got along with them great! I suggested that since he had met my family, I would really like to come meet his as well. He got a little uncomfortable, "Well.....um......actually....my parents don't want to meet you." Stunned would have been an understatement for the way I felt then. Did they not like me? Had I done something they didn't approve of? Why would they not want to even meet the girl their son was interested in? Rohn tried to explain that it was nothing against me, they just didn't like the idea of him pursuing a girl. Now what?

We were now in that awkward stage of trying to be "just friends" when both of us knew that we were more than "just friends". It was hard. We knew that we were becoming more and more emotionally attached to each other, but we didn't know how to stop that from happening. We couldn't go back, but we couldn't go forward.

My dad was not happy about the state of affairs. He said that Rohn should have come and talked to him before letting me know how he felt about me. Considering the situation, that would not really have worked all that well, nor did Rohn know at the time that that was the expectation. Our relationship wasn't going according to "plan". It blew all the formulas, didn't fit the description in the "courtship books" at all. I guess it must not have lived up to my dad's ideals because he told me one day, "You guys ruined this courtship before it even started." Despite how confusing this stage of being "in limbo" was, looking back, I can see what an important stage it was in our relationship. Despite how things appeared, everything was going according to plan. God's plan.

A surprise

At the beginning of November, a very unusual thing happened. Out of the blue, Rohn's parents contacted my parents to find out if it would be ok for me make a surprise visit for Rohn's birthday. Needless to say, I was very surprised! Somehow his parents had gone from not wanting to meet me to inviting me to come for Rohn's birthday! To this day I have no idea what happened. So it was planned that my parents would drive up to Kansas City with me and spend the day with Rohn's family and then go home while I stayed for several more days.

I found out later that Rohn had repeatedly asked his mom if he could invite me to visit. He declared that all he wanted for his birthday was to see me. So, without his knowing, I was invited to come. The trick was to keep Rohn from finding out. When he persisted in talking to his mom

about it, she informed him that she had talked to me, but that I had plans for the weekend. He was terribly disappointed. His sisters say that he moped around the house all week.

When I arrived with my parents on Saturday morning, Rohn was gone helping with a project at his church, so I spent some time getting to know the rest of his family. He told me later that as got near his house he kept trying to suppress a hope that maybe, just maybe I'd be there. He told himself that if he didn't see our SUV in the driveway, he'd know I wasn't there. He drove around the corner. No extra vehicle in the driveway (my dad had hidden it around the corner). His heart sank. You should have seen the expression on his face when he walked in the door and saw me standing there! His mouth dropped open and he just stared at me!

We had a wonderful day together! As late afternoon rolled around, my parents prepared to leave. Rohn became rather sad. He that I would be staying. I tried to pretend to be sad as well. I tried not to laugh as I said goodbye and got into the suburban with my parents.

They drove me around the block and dropped me off at Rohn's grandmother's apartment just down the street. Rohn's grandma was on vacation and offered that I could stay in her apartment during my visit. Soon his mom joined me to help put clean sheets on the bed. We were talking together when suddenly we heard the front door open. We assumed it must be Ruth, but his mom went to check, just in case. It's a good thing she did, because it was Rohn who had come in! He had no idea I was there! He began pouring his heart out to his mom, telling her how much he liked me and wanting to know what she had thought of me. Unbeknownst to him, I was hiding in the bathroom and could hear every word! Fortunately, his mom was able to lure him back to the house before he said anything embarrassing.

Ruth came and joined me after Rohn had left. We waited for about an hour before going back to the house for supper. The back door was locked, so we knocked and Rohn opened it. He was even more surprised to see me the second time than he was the first! He had to sit down......actually, he fell over on the floor. The rest of the visit was wonderful!

The point of decision

By this time we were both convinced that we wanted to marry each other. We were sure of where God was leading us. Unfortunately, things were not progressing well with Rohn's school situation. He was still trying to figure out what kind of degree he was going for and what he was going to major in. His financial situation was also preventing him from taking as many classes as he wanted. He wanted to be finished with school before we began our courtship and it was starting to look like it was going to be several years before that would happen.

It was now very uncertain when our relationship would be able to move forward, but we were still growing increasingly attached emotionally. We knew that this was not good for either of us. Relationships don't just stand still. They either move forward or backward.

Things sort of came to a head right before Christmas. Rohn knew that at this point we either needed to go forward with our relationship right away or cut off all contact with each other until we were ready to start courting.

To be continued........