My Courtship Story: A change of heart

Courtship story- part 4. Also read part 1, part 2, and part 3.

Confused

I went home from CMI very very confused. By this point I had no idea how I felt about Rohn! I knew that he was very dear to me and I knew that I missed him terribly, but I didn't know if this could mean that I possibly had feelings for him or if I still just loved him as a friend. I was pretty sure I wasn't interested in him. I just couldn't picture myself in a relationship with him. I wasn't really attracted to him. I did pray about a relationship like he had asked me to, but I'm afraid my prayers tended to be more along the lines of "Please help him get over this really fast!" than actually seeking God's will.

The thing I dreaded most telling my dad what was going on. I had briefly explained to my mom what Rohn and I had talked about and she urged me to tell my dad. I dreaded this. My dad can be a little.....um......idealistic at times, and I was pretty sure that he would never let anybody court me unless the guy was the very model of sinless perfection. Of course, I was pretty sure I didn't want Rohn to court me, but I was just unsure enough that I didn't want the possibility ruled out. I was also afraid that if my dad knew that Rohn was interested, he might break off our entire friendship and I was certain that I didn't want that to happen!

So it was with some trepidation that I approached my dad and explained to him that Rohn was interested in pursuing a relationship with me at some point in the future. To my utter shock, not only was my dad not upset (he didn't even scowl at me!), he got excited! He had only met Rohn very briefly at graduation, but he started talking about how impressed he was with what he saw! He said that from what he saw of him, Rohn seemed like a very godly young man, he liked the fact that Rohn was also from a large family, he liked how Rohn interacted with his siblings. The thing that blew me away the most was when he said, "Bekah, I've always known that you would need to marry someone who you could really respect. Someone who would be strong enough to lead you Spiritually. I think Rohn seems like that kind of man." I nearly fainted.

About a week and a half after arriving home, Rohn called me to find out when would be a good time for him to talk to my dad. The night he said he would call, I was a ball of nerves. I would jump at every sound and couldn't sit still for the life of me! Finally the phone rang. My dad answered the phone, went into his bedroom and closed the door. I paced around the house, trying to imagine what they were saying to each other.

My dad was chuckling as he hung up the phone. He said that Rohn had been so nervous, he talked about a hundred miles a minute and couldn't even get his words out straight. Dad reported that he had said, "Mr. Loewen, during the time before courtship, I will treat your daughter like a brother. I mean, I will be the brother...and...um....I mean, I will treat her like a sister."

Rohn had explained to my dad that he was interested in a relationship at some point in the future, he said maybe a year. My dad said that we were to remain just friend, not talk about "emotional" subjects and not get emotionally attached to each other until such a time as Rohn was ready to start a courtship.

God is the one who changes hearts

Even though my parents were excited and a part of me wanted to be excited too, I still wasn't very sure of my own heart. Even though I didn't realize it yet, God was already at work. He began showing me that I needed to stop focusing on my own feelings and start focusing on what He wanted for my relationship with Rohn. God had already taught me long ago that I should not say "yes" to a relationship with a guy just because I had feelings for him, but now God showed me that I shouldn't say "no" to a relationship just because I didn't have feelings for him. My response needed to be based on God's will not on my feelings (or lack thereof).

This was a big step for me to even be open to considering a relationship with Rohn. As I began to seek God's will, I started to realize what a godly man Rohn is. I saw how perfectly our beliefs and personalities fit together. Looking back, I could see the fingerprints of God all over our friendship.

Over the course of that summer, God slowly changed my heart towards Rohn. A new love began to grow for him. I found myself thinking of him constantly, I looked forward to his e-mails with great anticipation. I don't know when exactly this change took place. It happened so gradually that I didn't realize right away what was going on. But somehow, by the end of that summer, I found myself falling in love with the man I thought I would never have feelings for. Suddenly, I couldn't figure out why I wasn't attracted to him before!

As my heart grew fonder of Rohn, I began to miss him more and more. I hadn't seen him in over three months. We kept in touch, but it just wasn't the same.

The first visit

I was in charge of the Gospel hand painting booth at our county fair that summer. The fair was fast approaching and I was having a difficult time finding enough volunteers to help out. The week before the fair, my dad came up to me and asked if I could use a couple more volunteers to help out on Saturday. Could I ever! I told him that I would take all the help I could get and wondered who he had in mind. He informed me that Rohn had called wondering if it would be ok for he and his sister, Ruth, to come for a short visit and help me with the hand painting booth. I was nearly delirious with excitement!

After what seemed like twelve eternities, Saturday arrived. I could hardly contain myself with I saw his car pull into the driveway. I just couldn't hold myself back. I burst out the front door and threw myself into his arms! We were both so happy to see each other, it didn't seem real.

The day went by way too fast. We enjoyed catching up and spending as much time together as possible. Somehow, being with Rohn again, my world seemed right. It was on that day I knew I didn't want to live the rest of my life without him.

In limbo

Then came the most difficult time in our relationship. Our feelings for each other were growing rapidly and we knew that God was leading us together, but Rohn still didn't feel that he was in a position to start pursuing a serious relationship. There were some things with his schooling and financial situation that he needed to figure out first.

There was also the issue of his parents. They felt that we were way too young to begin a courtship. Rohn had always said that he had no intention of even thinking about marriage until he was at least 25, and now here he was not even quite 20 yet, head over heals for a girl! By the end of September, Rohn had been out to visit twice. He had met all my family and got along with them great! I suggested that since he had met my family, I would really like to come meet his as well. He got a little uncomfortable, "Well.....um......actually....my parents don't want to meet you." Stunned would have been an understatement for the way I felt then. Did they not like me? Had I done something they didn't approve of? Why would they not want to even meet the girl their son was interested in? Rohn tried to explain that it was nothing against me, they just didn't like the idea of him pursuing a girl. Now what?

We were now in that awkward stage of trying to be "just friends" when both of us knew that we were more than "just friends". It was hard. We knew that we were becoming more and more emotionally attached to each other, but we didn't know how to stop that from happening. We couldn't go back, but we couldn't go forward.

My dad was not happy about the state of affairs. He said that Rohn should have come and talked to him before letting me know how he felt about me. Considering the situation, that would not really have worked all that well, nor did Rohn know at the time that that was the expectation. Our relationship wasn't going according to "plan". It blew all the formulas, didn't fit the description in the "courtship books" at all. I guess it must not have lived up to my dad's ideals because he told me one day, "You guys ruined this courtship before it even started." Despite how confusing this stage of being "in limbo" was, looking back, I can see what an important stage it was in our relationship. Despite how things appeared, everything was going according to plan. God's plan.

A surprise

At the beginning of November, a very unusual thing happened. Out of the blue, Rohn's parents contacted my parents to find out if it would be ok for me make a surprise visit for Rohn's birthday. Needless to say, I was very surprised! Somehow his parents had gone from not wanting to meet me to inviting me to come for Rohn's birthday! To this day I have no idea what happened. So it was planned that my parents would drive up to Kansas City with me and spend the day with Rohn's family and then go home while I stayed for several more days.

I found out later that Rohn had repeatedly asked his mom if he could invite me to visit. He declared that all he wanted for his birthday was to see me. So, without his knowing, I was invited to come. The trick was to keep Rohn from finding out. When he persisted in talking to his mom

about it, she informed him that she had talked to me, but that I had plans for the weekend. He was terribly disappointed. His sisters say that he moped around the house all week.

When I arrived with my parents on Saturday morning, Rohn was gone helping with a project at his church, so I spent some time getting to know the rest of his family. He told me later that as got near his house he kept trying to suppress a hope that maybe, just maybe I'd be there. He told himself that if he didn't see our SUV in the driveway, he'd know I wasn't there. He drove around the corner. No extra vehicle in the driveway (my dad had hidden it around the corner). His heart sank. You should have seen the expression on his face when he walked in the door and saw me standing there! His mouth dropped open and he just stared at me!

We had a wonderful day together! As late afternoon rolled around, my parents prepared to leave. Rohn became rather sad. He that I would be staying. I tried to pretend to be sad as well. I tried not to laugh as I said goodbye and got into the suburban with my parents.

They drove me around the block and dropped me off at Rohn's grandmother's apartment just down the street. Rohn's grandma was on vacation and offered that I could stay in her apartment during my visit. Soon his mom joined me to help put clean sheets on the bed. We were talking together when suddenly we heard the front door open. We assumed it must be Ruth, but his mom went to check, just in case. It's a good thing she did, because it was Rohn who had come in! He had no idea I was there! He began pouring his heart out to his mom, telling her how much he liked me and wanting to know what she had thought of me. Unbeknownst to him, I was hiding in the bathroom and could hear every word! Fortunately, his mom was able to lure him back to the house before he said anything embarrassing.

Ruth came and joined me after Rohn had left. We waited for about an hour before going back to the house for supper. The back door was locked, so we knocked and Rohn opened it. He was even more surprised to see me the second time than he was the first! He had to sit down......actually, he fell over on the floor. The rest of the visit was wonderful!

The point of decision

By this time we were both convinced that we wanted to marry each other. We were sure of where God was leading us. Unfortunately, things were not progressing well with Rohn's school situation. He was still trying to figure out what kind of degree he was going for and what he was going to major in. His financial situation was also preventing him from taking as many classes as he wanted. He wanted to be finished with school before we began our courtship and it was starting to look like it was going to be several years before that would happen.

It was now very uncertain when our relationship would be able to move forward, but we were still growing increasingly attached emotionally. We knew that this was not good for either of us. Relationships don't just stand still. They either move forward or backward.

Things sort of came to a head right before Christmas. Rohn knew that at this point we either needed to go forward with our relationship right away or cut off all contact with each other until we were ready to start courting.

To be continued........